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This girl (24F) wouldn’t leave my (23F) boyfriend (23M) alone.

The title is pretty clear. English isn’t my first language so this post might be tiring. my apologies. A little background; me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years now, there’s a mutual friend who tried to tear us apart and well she was successful. i don’t wanna go into the details as this is personal but my boyfriend trusted what she had to say more at that point and left me. Months later, he comes and apologies, we reconcile and start our relationship again. He was still in touch with her and very good friends (uncomfortably good) with her. We had a talk once and fought about how i don’t want her in our life anymore. He then told me nothing is more important to him than me and cut off contacts with her. Then later i find out, they’ve been in contact and on eachother’s social media. I confronted and he said she wanted to be friends and he didn’t think it was a big deal and tell me “just to hurt me.” I wasn’t ok with it but eventually came around and let it go. i told him he could be friends with her but we talked about our boundaries and i let him know that i don’t want her knowing anything personal about us. He then thought it wasn’t worth it anymore with her and came and told me that he doesn’t want to be in touch with her. i said i was fine with either.
Then few days later when i was scrolling instagram, ( i am not very active on ig, i rarely use it, so i think he thought i’d never find out) i saw that they’ve started following eachother again and supposedly talking. I asked my boyfriend why he had to fake the whole thing about cutting her off. He said “oh she sent me a request and i didn’t want to be rude”
After that i really stopped caring about that whole thing and let him do whatever. He still told me “if you’d like i’ll stop” and deleted her infront of my eyes. i really didn’t even speak a word .
Now that was months ago… Today my boyfriend came to me and told me that she’s been trying to contact him again…
Now, i don’t know what to make of all this. I can’t tell if he’s enabling her & making a fool out of me, either that or he’s told her to not contact him and she wouldn’t leave him alone? He just said “some people can’t take hints” so i am assuming he hasn’t told her anything directl? I once told him i wasn’t ok having her in our life, and i didn’t wanna bother again because i felt like if he cared he would’ve taken action after the first time. i could be wrong.
So anyone, please just tell me what to make of all this? i am really tired of games and would like to be in a relationship where i don’t have to feel like i’ve to fight for the spot which is supposed to be mine. i don’t think my boyfriend understands boundaries when it comes to female friends and it’s bothering me a lot. i am questioning if this relationship is worth it anymore ? (there are a lot of other stuffs before the breakup that happened involving few other girls which has put a strain on us) I don’t think i can trust this guy.
Are my feelings valid?

TLDR Girl/girls don’t leave my boyfriend alone or it’s him who’s enabling them that’s making me question my relationship everyday.



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4 replies on “This girl (24F) wouldn’t leave my (23F) boyfriend (23M) alone.”

It’s not their fault, but rather it’s very much his responsibility to firmly and directly tell other women not to get too close to him because he’s in a relationship. He doesn’t respect you enough to pick you over other women’s attention. His comments about people being unable to take hints for example. Why is he hinting? He needs to say it plainly.

It’s not the girls fault, it’s your boyfriend you can’t trust. If he really wanted her out of his life he could do it.

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