This isn’t really my “I Don’t Work Here Lady” experience; but I was witness to it. If you don’t like long stories I’m sorry (but not sorry enough not to do it).
[TL;DR can be found here.](https://twitter.com/tldrwikipedia?lang=en)
This morning I needed an extra jolt of caffeine and sugar, so I took myself to Starbucks. This particular location doesn’t have a drive-thru, and is also in the same shopping plaza as a grocery store. If you happen to be unaware or need a reminder, Starbucks employees wear [green aprons with the mermaid logo](https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/2017/07/164581/history-of-starbucks-green-apron) (except apparently they occasionally wear a different color, but mainly green, so…)
I’m a big fan of the Starbucks app, so I’d already placed my order. When I arrived, there were about 10 or so people waiting on mobile orders, all lined up and masked and social distancing as much as we could against one wall. Another couple of people were at the register, nearer the other wall, placing or waiting for orders.
It was pretty obvious that the baristas were slammed. The mobile order area already had several large bags waiting for people to come and pick them up, plus a lot of cups and small bags. They were clearly filling orders as quickly as they could and really needed some of the mobile order customers to show up and take their stuff.
I’d been waiting in line, having already checked that mine wasn’t one of the cups waiting for its customer, when a woman walked in and headed for the register. Let’s call her Karen. She wasn’t exactly quiet, and the store isn’t that big, so I could hear her clearly.
Karen wanted to place a large order: multiple individual drinks, breakfast sandwiches, and bakery items. The employee (I’ll call her Register) taking Karen’s order advised her that it would take at least 20 minutes, possibly longer, because it was a large order and they were already backed up.
Well, this wasn’t acceptable! Karen needed her order completed in 10 minutes at a minimum, preferably less.
Register explained, patiently and nicely, that even if Karen was the only person in the store and there were no mobile orders, such a large order would take at least 10 minutes, and that currently they had a large number of orders made prior to Karen that they needed to complete first, so it would necessarily take longer than 10 minutes to make her order. If Karen was in such a rush, she should consider calling the order in ahead of time or using the mobile app.
Nope, that was still not acceptable. Karen wanted to talk to the manager.
Lo and behold, the manager was one of the baristas frantically making drinks right behind Register, and told Karen that if she placed and paid for her order right then, she could come back in half an hour and it would be ready.
Karen huffed and puffed, but was unable to blow any houses down. The manager gestured to the line of mobile order customers, and said, “See them? They all used the app. They’ve already ordered and paid, and their orders will be made before yours.”
Keep in mind the entire line of customers waiting for mobile orders had been watching this entertainment, and as names were called, the line waxed and waned. And the woman in line behind me was wearing a maroon apron with the name of the grocery store in the same plaza in big white letters on the front.
You see where this is going, don’t you?
Karen looked over at the line, saw the woman behind me, and demanded that she get behind the counter and do her job. The grocery store employee looked at Karen, looked down at her own apron (maroon, remember, with BIG WHITE LETTERS with the name of the grocery store emblazoned across the front), looked back at Karen, and said the magic words:
“I don’t work here, dumbass.”
So close to Reddit perfection, grocery store employee. So close.
Naturally, the unwilling customer audience erupted into laughter. Karen turned red under her mask, threw her hands in the air (I have legit never seen someone do that before), and exclaimed, “I can’t take this shit anymore.”
And she left.
I’d love to tell you that everyone spontaneously burst into applause, but they called my name just then and I got my precious caffeine and sugar and went back home to attempt to do some actual work.