I went no contact with my partner of nearly 2 yrs on October 5th and planned on cutting him off for the foreseeable future. Blocked him on every platform we used to contact one another. I forgot skype cause I rarely use it. I logged in recently and a week or so later he contacted me on there.
Short background, he confessed to cheating on me throughout our relationship in March of this year. I kinda lost my mind, couldn’t cope with it and flew to Asia from the US where I was to meet up with him. While I was there he decided to meet with other women. I went from out of my mind to just scrambled egg in the brain. I was completely destroyed, could barely do basic things, and get myself back home. Throughout the whole thing, I remember noticing that he expressed no compassion or remorse and it honestly freaked me out. I really suffered particularly because it was the start of pandemic lockdowns and I was away from family and friends, lacking in a constructive routine and without the person who had been my rock in life’s uncertainty. I cried every day for 4 months, only barely started to feel ok again over the past 2-3 months.
Anyway, I guess I’m just wondering how to move forward from this point. Never speak to him again, don’t speak to him until I am fully healed from it? Forgive, don’t forgive (NOT as in get back together), but just to let go of the anger and resentment I have towards him. Feeling this much darkness has worn me down since the whole thing started. Should I just wait until it’s a distant memory and I don’t care about it anymore. I am capable of holding a grudge forever. Just feels like it burns unnecessary calories/I have to sleep 2 extra hours a day to maintain that.
If you’ve been in this situation, what did you do or what would you do? Thanks.
Just wanted to add, there have been apologies, attempts at atoning/making amends on his part, and explanations for his behavior but they really happened too late for me and explain but don’t justify his actions whatsoever. We had a really profound connection, we considered each other family and were home for one another for the time that we were together and both living abroad from our respective countries. I kinda feel like although I’m the one who suffered from what he did, we could potentially make lifelong friends if/when our romantic relationship becomes insignificant or a faded distant memory. Feels like maybe instead of forcing no contact forever, I could accept that the world is imperfect and allow the good parts to prevail, the good part being our friendship. But idk if that’s the open-minded mentality that got me in this shitty situation from the start.
TLDR: Should I cut off my cheating ex forever or accept the good parts and possibly have a lifelong friendship together and try to leave our romantic relationship in the past and all the pain that came from that?