My girlfriend, let’s call her Jane, has been my best friend from the very beginning. We both fell hard and connected through every facet of life. In recent months we began planning on moving in together when she goes off to college next year.
Jane has always identified as bi, but only has been with men.
About 3 months ago, she came to me and confided in me that she doesn’t know if she’s bi or lesbian. She said she feels no attraction to men, besides me, and that she has always imagined herself ending up with a woman. We worked through that at the time and came to the conclusion that we were happy and in love and that she needs to let herself be happy rather than miss out on something good over a fear.
The time after that was great again, best of friends and as close as we could be.
The past two weeks, Jane and I disconnected a bit. This was made worse because she’s been isolating herself due to depression. I believe she’s starting to feel seasonal depression mixed with tons of other things going on in her life.
Today she sprung that conversation on me again and told me it’s not fair to either of us to stay in this. I asked her if she’s happy with me, loves me romantically, and wants to be with me. She responded yes to all of those, but pointed out that she can’t keep not knowing who she is.
She seems to be having an identity crises, and relates it to not knowing that part of her because she was never with a woman.
She told me if I can come up with a solution, she would love to try it with me because she wants us, but I am lost.
What do I do Reddit, what can I do to help her and maybe keep my relationship?
tl;dr: my girlfriend says she wants to be with me and loves me but the mental anguish of not knowing who she is, is hurting her