Long but bear with me please, I’d love any advice. I (32F) have been with my current bf (34M) for roughly 6-7 months. He lives 1-1.5 hours away and currently lives with a family member as he is trying to save money. Because of this, we spend most time at my place and we typically hang out only on weekends because of the 1-1.5hour commute he would have to work. We have similar values and want similar things in the future. It’s the calmest, healthiest relationship I’ve had to date. There wasn’t that sweeping exhilaration of butterflies in the beginning, but more of a slow burn, so we also became friends, which I like. Our 2 biggest sources of conflict are the following:
1) amount of time we hang out- ive made it clear I want more than a weekend relationship at this point in my life, and every now and then I get my feelings hurt that he doesn’t view a 1.5 hour commute as worth it. He has surprised me before, and stayed with me during the week when I was sick, but otherwise we typically only hang out on weekends. I am often the one asking for “more time” and it hurts that he’s never expressing that he wants more without me initiating the convo first.
2) what I perceive to be a lack of affection on his part. He’s not very chatty or expressive naturally, so it’s not that it’s done to be cruel or withheld. It’s just, he never tells me how sexy I look or am, or what he loves about me. Hes not touchy either. Rarely seeks out physical intimacy of touching/kissing/cuddling (sex is regular) He’s not a man of many words so I’ve come to accept this, but I feel like sex and intimacy are directly influenced by how your partner makes you feel/how you think they perceive you. I’m not looking for him to improve my self confidence, as I feel I am acutely aware of my own strengths/weaknesses and recognize that self acceptance cannot be fullfilled based on the words of someone else. It’s just, I often feel in the dark with what he likes about me. I go out of my way to look good and it hurts when he never compliments an outfit or flatters any of the efforts I make. I’ve brought it up and he’s aware it’s not one of his strengths and is willing to work on it.
These are our 2 biggest points of contention, other than this, we get along just fine and it’s the healthiest and calmest relationship I’ve ever had. His actions make it clear he cares and I don’t doubt his integrity, he helps with projects around my place, and does what he can within time and means. I’m used to very intense relationships with lots of arguing, with partners that were excellent at “love bombing.” I can’t tell if I’m just used to excessive amounts of affection from unhealthy relationships, or if these 2 issues should be considered possible reasons to go our separate ways due to long term compatibility issues. Thanks!
TLDR: I (31F) am 6 months into relationship with bf (33m) and unsure if our 2 sources of conflict (lack of physical/verbal affection from him, and limited time spent together due to living 1-1.5 hr away) should be viewed as reasons to break up due to compatibility or if they are common hiccups. I have had several toxic relationships and this is the calmest, healthiest relationship I’ve been in. Can’t tell if these issues will eventually create larger rift, or if I’m looking for perfection.