Hi I am new here- looking for some hope! My boyfriend (31) and I (29) have been together for 6 years, living together in apartment for 3.5. I have been open about how getting married and having children is one of my top goals/priorities in life. We have been discussing the topic of marriage for what feels like a couple of years. Each time, he says he still isn’t ready. His parents got divorced when he was young and they have a horrible relationship to this day.
However, months ago we came to an agreement where he said it would happen this year- so I stopped bringing it up and tried to have faith that it would. In the meantime, we were looking at houses to buy- and he found something wrong with every one we looked at. He finally admitted that he was still scared to take things to the next level. He claims he is afraid of divorce and everything happening all at once (marriage, house, babies-change). I told him we can establish a timeline that works for both of us- it doesn’t have to be all at once.
We have a great relationship and have worked through many of the issues we have had from the start of our relationship. However, he seems to still have doubts and feels like the relationship needs to be perfect before taking that next step. After a long conversation and a couple of days of me feeling hopeless and confused, he suggested we take a break so he can prioritize figuring it out. So I broke things off completely with him. He is staying at his moms. It has been 2 weeks and we haven’t had much contact. The times we did he expressed that he wants to stay together and how much he loves me and knows deep down he wants it. He doesn’t think this is the end for us.
But I told him I can’t get back together without some form of true commitment. But I don’t want to pressure him into it. I want him to be on the same page as me. I also don’t want to waste my time. But in parallel, I know he is the one I want to be with. I miss him so much.
We decided to try couples therapy and have an appointment set. He is extremely open to it and it seems like he wants to get to the bottom of his fears as well so we can move forward. Do you think this is a good idea? Has anyone had any experiences with couples therapy? I’m really hoping that best case scenario it will act as pre-marital therapy and it will give him the confidence he needs to take the next step with me. I don’t want to keep living in limbo.
tl;dr: boyfriend of 6 years is afraid to take the next step in our relationship. I want and engagement and he is scared to pull the trigger. I broke things off and we have been living separately for 2 weeks. Will couples therapy help to figure out what is holding him back and how to overcome it?