This is a bit of a complicated situation.
Months ago, my (21F) boyfriend (27M) proposed an open relationship on just my side because he said he understood he was gone a lot for work. I eventually got bored enough to try it and slept with one guy and didn’t like it, so I never tried it again. The agreement and only boundary was that he just didn’t want me bragging about it. He would make little comments here and there about having other boyfriends and fucking other dudes in a joking matter and I just laughed with him. Since I was new to the whole idea of open relationships, I felt what I did needed to be hid, and I felt like confirming I had slept with someone else would be considered bragging as he was too busy with work to have an open relationship on his side.
Months go by and eventually – 4 days ago – it came up in a serious conversation as he had opened the relationship up on his side. I told him about what had happened, and the first night he was totally okay with it and told me I should try to see someone else to see if it was just the guy I didn’t like, or if I really didn’t want to participate in an open relationship.
The next day, he was cold to me. He had totally changed his mind, saying he thought about it. He said I completely ruined his trust, when this wasn’t my intention at all. He said had I just told him when it happened, we would be okay. Now, he doesn’t know what he wants. He said there’s no reason to stay with someone you can’t trust – but he still doesn’t know if he wants it to be over. He wants space.
I don’t have anywhere to go, so we are still living together. I don’t have any money for an apartment, I only work part time because our one year old has medical issues that would make daycare a nightmare, and we have another on the way. I have built my whole life and future around him and my child because I was so confident we had what it takes to make it last.
What do I do while I wait for him to either choose me or give up? I feel like I should be winning him back by doing more for him, but he wants space. He feels like he will never trust me again, but I believe trust can be repaired over time especially when there was no malicious intent in the first place. I don’t know if I should hold onto the hope we will be okay, or start telling myself it’s over.
TLDR; I accidentally ruined my boyfriends trust in a new open relationship. He doesn’t know what he wants to do, and I’m stuck in the same house as him for I’m not sure how long. What do I do?