Don’t know if I’m settling or not. I’m almost 3 years into this relationship my longest ever and I’m still skeptical whether I want to marry him or have a child with him. I’m cautious and an extreme overthinker by nature so it could just be me overthinking. I’ve only been in 1 highschool relationship of a year before being with him.
Why I’m skeptical
1. The 14 year age difference
2. He’s more rational than emotional and when I talk to him about personal problems I feel lectured rather than empathized and understood
3. His interactions with others can come off rude when he doesn’t mean to and this is embarrassing to the point I dont want to leave him alone with family or friends. (English isn’t his first language and there’s some cultural differences)
4. Fear of him relapsing he’s about 3 years clean from drugs and had been using since age 17
5. I feel he’s a bit needy, I find myself feeling relief when I get to go to my home and relax and be me (I’ve only really lived or spent most of my time with my daughter and myself and so that is what im used to). When I’m home I can let out gas, not worry about leaving a dish or two in the sink, watch what I like without worrying if it’s educational or has deep meaning.
6. He has a much higher sex drive than me and is always on. He doesn’t seem to understand that I can’t have sex if I dont feel right mentally or emotionally
7.There are some parts of him that I don’t want my son to inherit such as his lack of awareness, communication with others, poor emotional intelligence
He used to raise his voice a lot but has mellowed out. I give him credit for working on that. I also deal with anxiety and depression and it’s tough because he’s never dealt with it just like I’ve never dealt with addiction.
With all that put to the side he is
1. Very patient with me and my daughter
2. Very giving, not selfish at all
3. He’s extremely faithful
4. If I tell him something he does that upsets me or my daughter he will honestly work on it and apologize
5. He’s there for me when I need him to be for instance when my daughter had to be hospitalized he waited hours in the waiting room all the way to admission and even went out to get us food
6. He cooks for me, always thinks of me with little things
7. He pleases me, focuses on my needs sexually (although I think he needs to do this to help him reach climax)
8. He drives me wherever I need to go and waits for me
9. Sometimes I’m hours late or I change plans and he still works with me
10. He takes me as I am. He doesn’t care about makeup or style. He doesn’t care if I pass gas but I do.
I sometimes think I’d go crazy if I lose him. Some moments I feel like he’s the one other times I feel like are you crazy, you know you won’t be happy living with him. Sometimes I think it could be a good step to marry and live with him. My daughter doesn’t want to though.
Tl:dr My partner is 48. I’m 34. He has a strong personality and does things that’s offputting to me. I don’t know if I’m settling for him or if he’s the one. I don’t know if we should marry or if we should break up. How do you know if you’re settling?