Me (30f) and my boyfriend (30m) have been together since we were 18, we were each others first proper relationship, lost our virginity to each other, went through the ups and downs of living apart, going to different universities, we then moved in together, rented a flat and then within the last few years finally bought our own home, got a dog and everyone I know thinks I have this perfect little life.
I feel like I have grown so much as a person in the last 12 years and I sometimes feel like I am just living with my best friend now (which he is) but I feel as though the romantic aspect has disappeared slightly, maybe that’s just because we’ve been together so long, I don’t know. All I know is that I feel very unhappy and a little trapped. I really struggle to talk about my feelings, I have lovely friends but they are all celebrating exciting parts of there lives like engagements, babies etc so I don’t want to ruin it by being miserable so I pretend everything is fine.
We aren’t engaged, we have talked about having children which I really want but I feel like I am really having to convince him that we should and thats not fair on him at all. I’m worried that we’d have them and he’d resent me for it but I know I want children 100%. I can’t imagine giving up what I have now, I really do love him so much, he is funny and caring and my bestfriend in the whole world, I know leaving would turn my world upside down and his but I just feel like something is missing. I shouldn’t feel this sad.
I’m sorry this is a massive ramble and the spelling and grammar is probably atrocious but I just needed to get some of my thoughts out. I’m just wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation and has any advise? Thank you for reading my ramble🙈 x
TL;DR – I feel trapped in my relationship with my boyfriend of 12 years.