I need a little encouragement right now. Yesterday I tried breaking up with my boyfriend of 11 months because my mental health is going to sh** from this situation. It’s so hard. I love him but don’t have the mental strength to deal with this relationship right now, without messing my life up lol. This is my first real relationship and idk wtf I’m doing.
Throughout the 11 months I’ve realized my bf and I are probably not compatible long term. Therefore, I don’t see a point. He’s Muslim and I’m Agnostic. When I ask him if I would have to convert in the future, he can’t give me an answer. He said if he loved the girl enough, he wouldn’t make her convert? Basically implying that he doesn’t know if he loves me enough to give me an answer I guess. Even though he told me he did. It’s nice that he is being honest, but the uncertainty is slowly killing me. There’s a possibility I may be strung along. I know it’s soon to think about marriage and I’m young, but I know I would never be able to convert just to marry someone. I keep having anxiety attacks, interrogating him and lashing out over this. There are so many reasons why this is becoming unhealthy.
My resentment keeps growing. I feel that I’ve done so much for him to make him feel secure with me, but I haven’t received much in return. I’ve introduced him to my family and friends. I’ve brought him into my life and I was so excited about him. He’s basically avoided it for as long as he could because he’s afraid there will be family drama over the religious difference. He’s not ready for that. But, he still doesn’t understand why I don’t feel secure?
I am in a really uncertain time in my life right now. I just graduated college and I’m supposed to be focusing on my future to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life. Currently I am unemployed and trying to find a job. I think I’m too codependent to do this while I’m in a relationship. Especially this one. I keep obsessing about the relationship instead of focusing on myself and it’s exhausting. I’ve become extremely depressed and anxious.
We sat down and had a talk yesterday. He said I’m being dramatic and too logical. He said we can go on a break if I want to, while I work on my mental health. So now we’re attempting to go on a break and then check in after 6 months. I feel extremely guilty. Do you think we’re just dragging out the inevitable?
TL;DR The incompatibility and uncertainty of my relationship is ruining my mental health, but my bf is having a hard time understanding this.
Edit: keep in mind tho, that I’m no angel in this situation either. I’ve been wishy washy about him from the start and probably should have ended it at the first doubt. I think he sensed it and it caused him to have doubts. We are horrible communicators.