Tl;dr – my bf has cheated on me in the past, I’m trying to build trust again but he keeps lying to me about mundane things.
So I (22M) have been with my partner (24M) for almost two years now. We’ve been in lockdown together since the start, however for the first month or so, I’d found out that he had been complaining about me and sending nudes to another man behind my back. Now, we had it out, shouted, cried, etc, but decided in the end that we still wanted to make it work, so I stuck by him and have been trying my best to trust him again since.
The issue is he keeps lying to me about things, and it’s not like anything major so I can’t tell if it’s something I should be really upset by or not.
For context to that, the first time was when I had come into the bedroom and saw him going through my messages. That part isn’t good, I know, but I have nothing to hide so it never bothered me. Instead, I sat down and went through them all with him and said “I don’t mind that you did it, just next time, please come to me so we can through it all together” because I wanted to be supportive and stuff. Anyway flash forward a few more days and I’ve found him going through my messages again, this time without him knowing. I confront him about it and he adamantly refuses until I straight up tell him I saw him, then he admits it. I ask why he didn’t tell me and I just get “I dunno”.
Another one, we hadn’t had sex, or even any kind of physical intimacy in a few weeks, which wouldn’t normally bother me, but given everything thats happened I was a bit wary. Anyway, there are two bathrooms which are right next to each other, he was in one and I went to go to the other. With the doors being right next to each other, as I’m going into the bathroom I can hear noises coming from the one he’s in, which sound very much like he’s watching porn. I wait until we’re both back in the bedroom and ask him, to which he completely denies. Later, I’m on a game on my phone and go to use his to look something up at the same time (something we both do all the time), and when I go to search, there’s porn in his recent searches. Again, when I confront him, he denies it until it’s undeniable, then he just goes “I dunno” and doesn’t understand why that upsets me.
We’ve gotten into a few arguments over it and I always end up being the peacemaker, which makes me feel stupid because I’m not the one doing anything wrong (unless I am and I don’t see that, if so, please explain it to me)
The actual things he’s doing don’t really bother me, but it’s the lying to me that does, only I’m not sure if I’m blowing it out of proportion since, again, the actual stuff itself doesn’t bother me.