My boyfriend and I (27M and 26M respectively) will have been together for 2 years as of January. We’ve grown stronger together, enjoy spending time with each other, hate being away from each other, have very similar interests, thoughts, political stances, pretty much everything. We want to get married at some point, and are planning on moving in with each other next year.
Herein lies a problem. He has a good job working as an admin for a large multi-national company, where he has been continuously employed for the last 7-8 years or so. He get’s a solid wage, good bonus, has his own one bedroom flat which he can easily afford, a car, savings, enough money to purchase things like, say, new games consoles on release, any repairs that need doing on his car, he basically doesn’t want for much. And this is totally down to him and his achievements. He is his own man, relies on no-one, and is generally moving in a great direction in his life.
I on the other hand am currently unemployed, no car, living with my mother, no savings to speak of, in a little bit of debt due to some silly mistakes in my youth, and am pretty much a polar opposite of him. I don’t like to make excuses or make a sob story, but my life kind of fell apart when my parents split up. Until that point I was on a good track to becoming an aerospace engineer, had an apprenticeship with Rolls Royce and was earning well above what others my age were earning on average. But my mental state deteriorated severely when my parents split up and I’ve only recently (last couple years or so) been able to drag myself out of the mental pit I was in. Due in no small part to the love and support of my boyfriend.
His parents know how much we love each other, and how great we are together. They’ve both said to me privately on separate occasions how much happier he seems since we’ve been together, and how much more he’s opened up and come out of his shell (He was very much a recluse and introvert in his childhood). They also know how much I care for and love him and would do literally anything to make him happy. They know that we want to get married and spend the rest of our lives with each other.
However they also know, naturally about the stark differences between the two of us financially. I totally understand that this being the situation, they must have their reservations about the two of us being together. I get that they don’t want me to drag him down or make him lose what he’s worked so hard to get. And obviously this is the last thing I want as well.
My question is, if it was your son dating a guy like me, knowing what you know now, how would you feel if he turned around to you and told you that he was making plans on getting a place together? I am currently on benefits and am actively seeking work, and we’ve worked out that we can easily afford a place together, but we’ve not mentioned it to his parents as of yet for fear of what they might say. Should I expect to see a different, not so friendly side to them in the forthcoming, or can I expect them to be understanding and respectful?
I know that not all people are the same and so reactions may differ between people and mindsets, but I should point out that his parents are both lovely, working class people who’ve also struggled in the past and worked their way up to where they are now. They welcomed me into their family with open arms, and we’ve enjoyed many nights together. But they are also frugal and very clever when it comes to money, and so this is where my fears stem from.
Does anyone have any advice? Or suggestions on how to approach the situation? Any and all input would be greatly appreciated. =)
TL;DR: Boyfriend is successful and financially stable, I’m not. We can afford to live with each other, but we have fears on how his parents will react considering my personal situation. Advice?